Jan 19, 2007

Finally awake....

Finally, my training got over, 7 months of learning and torture side by side got over.
But overall i would say, it was a nice experience, well i did learn a lot, so small annoyances, i should forget.
Now back to college, it all seems so new, I seem not to recognize this anymore, i dont know why, but it doesnt seem anymore homely.
I kill myself everyday to go to that place, havent attended a single lecture since now and still, am confused about what to do about it.
I do think now that i actually cannot do anything about it. These final 4 months of dilemma are supposed to be passed over and that too silently.
I am not the self being anymore, that chirpy and cheesy mukul is not to be seen anywhere now. What wrong with him and whats the reason for all this, he himself doesnt know, but now he feels that loneliness among the crowd.
Loneliness, which he neither can endure, nor can destroy. He is alone when the world is moving beside him and he is standing still without any clue whatsoever as to what is wrong and how to change it.
I am lost, help me some one, or should i help myself.
The answer is latter only and i should do something about it. I start with writing about it and making a list of things, for me to complete as to reduce the burden lurking over me since long. Then i need a break, a really really needed break which I am longing for since long. I still doubt that I will be able to get that break, but atleast, I can finish off with the work and then take a deep breath of freedom.
Yes, I can and yes I will. Just wait and watch.


Namita said...

hi mukul...donno under wht circumstances u r goin on nowadays so tht u hv written all tht stuff...hmm but it seems tht u r very over burdened with something or some thoughts....actually its all about ones state of mind as i feel...its only one who knows oneself best n cn be oneselves best friend....one can be either happy or sad by changing ones state of mind/way of thinking...or theres one more way of coming out of the situations in which we never want to be i.e. u think of urself as some third party person...i mean as a person who is not at all involved in these situations n see it in different perspective then u ll find tht the situation is not at all actually the same as it looks when we see ourselves as a part of it.........sry dear fr taking so much space of ur blog but i couldn't resist myself frm adding a comment...:).....cheers mukki...urs namo di :D

Vishu said...

Are bhai kya hua apko. Aap aisa kyon feel kar rahe ho. I also feel like u when I was jobless. But your intelligent, friendly and cool person cheers up dear. Don't loose Heart